ON SPIRALLING
I have anxiety about sharing this video on yoga for anxiety. In fact, I’ve been sitting on this video, unpublished, for a few weeks now. But I chose to just put it out there because I realize that the only way I can discuss anxiety is by showing the real and imperfect parts of it all.
Anxiety is messy and there are many layers behind the causes of it, and it changes and varies in different people. Anxiety can cause us to lose sleep, lower our immunity, and for some, cause the nervous system (particularly the sympathetic system responsible for fight-or-flight), to remain on high alert. While our nervous system, along with our anxious thoughts, are there to protect us and keep us safe, it can cause incredible pain and suffering in everyday life.
You see, my anxiety will keep me in this cycle of stories and thoughts, like, this video is grainy, my hair is wonky, I shouldn’t be talking about anxiety when I am a mess about my own anxiety, I don’t know enough about this topic, etc…. As a result, I might find myself never releasing the video, or any content at all for that matter.
What happens when I am spiralling? I go down this hole of hopelessness and disempowering thoughts. I lose sleep, I act out in aggression, I shut down. But once I started to address my issues, I learned to take a breath. I talk things out. I write about it. I give myself time to process. I talk through it again. I let the emotions move in my body. I sit and sift through feeling. I reflect. The key thing here is that I let it happen. I’ve learned, time and time again, that distractions - my phone, Netflix, drinking - only temporarily take away my pain. So the only way out of anxiety, is by going into it. Leaning into it. Embracing it.
Anxiety is not this glamourized story of moody brooding and then one day “seeing the love and light” and all the positivity in the world. And by no means do I claim yoga and meditation to be the end-all cure for pain and suffering (Note: if you are experiencing chronic anxiety, depression or mental health issues, or if you are a human being, I would strongly advise seeking professional help through a registered psychotherapist. Trust - this is worth every cent!). What I can tell you from my own lived experience is that when we use yoga and meditation as tools, and practice yoga outside of the asana (more on this topic later), we can begin to alleviate our suffering.
As I continue to learn more about myself I’ve come to understand that there is no point in waiting until everything is perfect, because it will never be perfect (see my last post On Impostor Syndrome). We are always going to be the ones who hold ourselves back because we are our own worst critics. A big part of this process is learning to let go of the outcome and just do the thing. See my practice on Yoga for Anxiety here.
One of the ways I deal with my anxiety is through writing. I take out my journal and write down all the thoughts, feelings and emotions that are surfacing. If it is about a particular situation or issue with another person, I will sometimes write them a letter, which I keep to myself, and spew out everything I wish I could say to them. The process of letting everything out on paper for me is cathartic, but also useful in that I can begin to name and label the situation and separate myself from the harmful stories that I tell myself.
Nature = anxiety relief.
